To those of you who said I’ve gone soft: why don’t you spit out that throat lozenge?

To those of you without your thumbs in your asses, and maybe some of you with them, (do what you have to do, I won’t tell your coach) you might have noticed a small wild-fire of controversy surrounding yours truly. Sadly, it isn’t the kind we like, it’s that really fucking douchey kind of controversy. […]

Gilman’s guide to hitting the ‘Ignore’ button on cunts

This is going to be a deliciously rhetoric’d rant on the female’s natural tendency to play, hate, ball and shotcall. So, I’m sorry “men”, I’m going to have to ask you to sit this one out. Ladies, (And I use that term loosely) (Just a guess) I ask but two things of you: 1) stop […]

Sometimes I like to lay in the bathtub, and pretend to be New Orleans.

Well, at precisely 2:48 on this aesthetically depressing Kansas afternoon, I find myself staring at this fucking laptop wondering why witty things just don’t say themselves (I mean, honestly, how witty are you), and hoping that last night’s Rumplemintz will stop molesting my esophagus. With that being said, I’m in a super offensive mood, and […]