Mommy’s Little Masochist presents, “Suck My Diction: The rise and fall of the scrotum”

Greetings, earthlings.
As most of you know, spring has sprung and so has my yearning to piss some people off. My apologies for the lack of activity as of late, but my ADHD has come back with vengeance, and since it stopped snowing and there has been color in the world again, it’s just one butterfly I cant catch after the other. I vow to never get so distracted that I neglect any of you or my public duty to keep you updated on which restraining orders are pending and which have been thrown out.
I hope you continue to read and share as generously as you have been.
So.. Yeah.. I’ve pretended to be normal long enough.

Buckle up!





Let me start out by stating that I typically don’t do this, but this article has now been brought to my attention by 7 people asking for my personal opinion, and I’ve had it, and luckily for me, this article ties in almost perfectly with the piece I’ve been working on. So, here is my very formal response to the article entitled, ‘Most Women Don’t Deserve A Good Man’, by: Kilmister


(Without further adieu, for those of you with two chromosomes and a basic grammatical comprehension, the link is:


The pretention and preposterous claims this man, who I can only assume has reached the early stages of senility, has surpassed offensive. Who are you to categorize an entire generation of women based on one loose bartender? What gives you the decree to dictate to any woman, let alone an entire group of them, what they do or do not deserve? Who the fuck are you, man?


I’ve never met you, but, as some of my loyal readers may know, I’ve been a bartender for a couple years, I’m also a young, twenty-something female and I think I pretty much have you pegged. So, let’s give this a shot. Feel free to stop me any time:
I’m willing to bet that you are actually in your early to mid 50s (It’s okay, pal. Everyone lies about their age when they’ve reach the point of being undesirable to even the drunkest of sluts) and at least one daughter that refuses to speak to you. Keep your head up, bud, she’ll come around. So, as qualified as you may feel hopping from townie bar to townie bar, that quite frankly, attract a far younger crowd, judging women half your age, for reasons you think you understand; I promise you, is more hysterically ironic than I think you have the wherewithal to comprehend. Given that you are a keynote in the supreme example of what is wrong with men today. Going around the internet, (super brave, by the way) broadcasting your condescension, and giving nameless women a road map of why exactly they will never be worthy of a decent life or love. You do realize it is people like you that turn women into these hyperselfconscious shells of blowjobs and desperation? Judging them for things, you admitted that you had previously indulged in in your younger years? Damning them for mistakes they so bravely admitted to you? What kind of life do you lead that you can sit there and tear apart the life choices of a person half your age? Experience? Because from the sounds of it, you haven’t learned anything, just merely grown more bitter and spiteful in your old age.


But this isn’t about you, this is about the young women of this superbly fucked up country that you have so presumptuously tossed into a box that, contrary to your belief, was not marked ‘All’.


Where to begin? Ah, yes, that’s right, “They are just examples of an all too typical American female.


Perhaps we should address the fact that a ‘typical American female’ as you so eloquently phrased it, is not a bartender telling creepy old men about the time when she peed her dress or let her boyfriend put it in her ass. You may want to do some self reflection, by the way, if those are the kinds of establishments of which you frequent.
In my opinion, a typical American female is one who is empowered and undoubtedly to your dismay, strong and confident. A young woman working 2 jobs all while finishing up her undergrad. A young woman who, though has made mistakes with men, does not let those mistakes define her, nor does she speak so openly about those mistakes, as if they were done with intent. A typical young woman in America, in my opinion, is not someone that makes jokes or speaks lightly about being taken advantage of or contracting a venereal disease. The young American women I know wouldn’t even get angry at your article, for it was just that far from the truth.

Now, I hate to be the one to break this news to you, sir (see? I’m respectful of my elders. Not so typical now, are we?), but the women of whom you spoke of are not typical. They are not common. Those women are lost, sad, empty women. They are not the norm, and they do not represent me or any other young women I surround myself with. Women that act like that, though disgraceful at times, are not to be made a point of reference. They are not to be targeted by someone as entitled as you are. Women that behave like that, obviously have a lot going on, or have had a lot going on in their lives and have not sorted out exactly how to overcome said obstacles. I consider that to be an intellectual or an emotional handicap. With that said, do you just stop the attacking at emotionally void, young enough to be your daughter? Or are you an all-or-nothing man and spend your free time graffiti-ing kids in wheelchairs? Consistency is all I’m asking here.

Now, let’s get back to it, shall we? Ah, and then there was this:

“This is the mentality of the American women, and like music, it seems to only get worse with every generation.”

It is both bold and ridiculous of you, as someone of a much older generation, to even have this thought, let alone this opinion. I can’t even get into this, because I have already wasted enough words on the hilarity, which is your eloquent portrayal of young women.
Moral of the story. it is misogynistic to generalize an entire generation by the words of one girl whose uncle probably sat her on his knee a few too many times. One girl, whose so candid about intimate and private moments, does not define a generation. And I refuse to believe that people like you actually exist. People that make such vast judgments based on the actions of one human being, that just so happened to be of a certain gender or race. That is just the mentality that fuels racism, gender oppression and overall prejudice. And by perpetuating that behavior, you have painted quite an interpretable portrait as to how you must see the rest of the world. It is men like you that make me proud to be articulate and capable of defending those, who in this case, are illequipped. Men like you that make respectable, independent young women question just what it is that makes us feel so strong. And god dammit, there is nothing I will not do to ensure that that mentality becomes increasingly smaller, or at least less present in today’s world.


Which brings me to my next question:

When exactly did being an independent and sexually charged woman in today’s society become such an outdated cliché?
It’s been repeatedly brought to my attention since ‘Sex And The Single Sociopath’ was made public. that there is much more than a stigma attached to women who are vocal about their sexuality. Please don’t misunderstand me here, however, I could literally give fifty shades of a shit less about the opinions those of you who felt so violated and offended by the things I had to say, but am merely fascinated by the comments that have been made in regards to me or any other young woman, who feels comfortable recanting sexual conquests in any manor other than shame.


I’ll have you know, I feel absolutely zero remorse or regret for the things I’ve put out there, so this is not to fuel any further questioning or attempted saving of my soul, but just to entertain the topic of double standards in today’s world.

“It’s not that anyone thinks you’re a slut. I mean, we all know you’re kind of tease. It’s just that there’s something to be said about a twenty-four year old that is as emotionless as you and yet, has no interest in anything but the future of her career”


Riddle me this, cock-owners, since when did it become a negative characteristic to not want to fall into the category ‘America’s typical woman’ or to live your life making desperate attempt after desperate attempt for validation? You tell me that these women whose lives revolve around a man and the potential reception of said man’s attention are “pathetic” and “common”, yet, not even publicly, I’ve chosen to put my love life on the back burner, and suddenly I’m a martyr? And I’m sorry, either I’m a slut or I’m a prude. Either it’s an insult or it’s a compliment. Fucking pick one and fucking stick with it. I’m having trouble keeping up.


As I’ve said before, I’ve done the love thing. I’ve been in love for the last 7 years. And it was wonderful and awful and all the other emotions I’m supposed to tell you that I felt. But it was not grand enough for me to have the overwhelming desire to throw my ambitions in a dumpster behind planned parenthood and then get myself a new pair of heels.
And I, again, take offense to anyone that says that a woman who wants to do anything career-related or soul-searching or just taking time to learn more about herself, rather than get married at twenty five is anything less than wonderful.

It tickles me that some of you think that calling me a “maneater” (cute, by the way, I love Hall & Oates too, fuckin’ queer) will in any way, shape or form, have an impact on me. Quite the opposite, in fact. I’ve grown somewhat fond of this endearing label thrust towards me. I would rather be a maneater, than a woman who wasted her youth on an unfulfilling relationship.
I would rather move to LA, go tenaciously after my dream, and fail, than to have never pursued anything but a cute guy I met at a bar. And if that makes me emotionless, I wear it as a badge of honor.

I guess I’m just having trouble understanding the negative connotation attached to not having an interest in being in love.

For Christ’s sake, it’s not like I’m saying, “I’d rather have a yeast infection than a boyfriend”. (although, if we’re being honest….) But you know what, even if I was, why on earth is that such a bad thing? You men talk about how you want a woman that’s driven and motivated, but yet are the same men that tell girls like me, that I should censor myself more than I have in the past. What logic is that? And women, we’re no better. I see far too many of you, and even myself at times, place judgment and catty comments on girls we know ferociously going after something non-relationship related. The paradigm here is exhausting. I will not apologize for the things I want out of life nor should anyone else ever be asked to; man, woman or sea lion.

On the topic of sex, however, do not sit there and pretend like women discussing it in an open, judgment-free forum, is so shocking, when men do it all the time. I’ve never seen a man say to another man, “hey dude, that blowjob sounded awesome. I’m glad that happened to you, but girls won’t think you’re a gentleman if you tell them that”.
So, why is it acceptable to say that to me? Sex is healthy. Sex is enjoyable and empowering and something you should feel confident about doing.

If you’re one of those people with hair down to your shins and a bible glued to your twat, however, I retract my previous statement. Sex is something you should probably continue waiting for.

But for the rest of us, I think it’s a beautiful thing, when it’s done between two or sometimes three people, (look man, I’m not here to judge) that have mutual respect for one another. And I don’t think we should be hushed for talking about it, seeing how it’s not 1956 anymore. I know, for me personally, I love hearing about people’s experiences or funny stories or even question. Mainly because I have so many of my own, and it’s nice to have that rapport with people, especially other women that are as new to the singles scene as I am. But mostly because, we are adults, and we should have the confidence to discuss healthy normal activities, without the worry that we’re doing something wrong. With that said, if I wanted to put up multiple blog posts about that time I got eaten out in the back of cab by John McCain’s son, I will do so. And will not worry about the repercussions from anyone but my parents.
I suggest the same to all of you. Name calling and placing labels on people that perhaps, just do things a little differently than you, is beneath most of us.

I am going to make a conscious effort to rise above that instinct from now on, and I hope some of you do the same.

As always, I appreciate all the love and support you weirdos have given me this year. I look forward to reading your responses and the emails and phone calls you have so selflessly bestowed upon me. Keep up the good work, sluts, and I will try to do the same.

Good vibes & multiple orgasms!



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