How Do You Get Drops Of Jupiter Out Of Hair?


“Keeping baggage from the past will leave no room for happiness in the future.” — Wayne L. Misner


You know what you are? You’re that girl that blows guys the first night she meets them, but then is audacious enough to call other girls ‘whores’. You’re the guy that spends months talking to a girl and gaining her trust, only to completely ignore her once she finally gives it up. You’re a fat, drunk hillbilly that drinks Pabts Blue Ribbon, masturbates to Duck Dynasty and uses the word ‘faggot’ excessively. You are a piece of shit. No one has enjoyed you and I, for one, am elated to see you go. You have sucked out every ounce of my empathy, positivity, general faith in humanity and trust in people. You tried to break me. And you fucking failed. I may not be completely back to my old self just yet, but you bet your awful disgusting ass that I will be better than I ever was. The series of unfortunate events you so eloquently thrust upon my face this year will do nothing but strengthen my thirst for the things in life. I will not look back on you ever for any kind of validation. I will never cry for everything you took from me again. I will move forward, knowing that I am a survivor and that what you did to me will never define who I am, but rather be a trait of mine. Whenever things in my life begin to falter or I start to get down, I will remember that if I could get through you, I will be able to conquer whatever comes my way. Good, bad, brutal, awful, shitty: I will take it, I will strategize and I will come out of it unscathed. Mark my fucking words.

Regardless of what was lost or gained over the course of the last three hundred sixty five days, I am still here.
I am still vivacious and steadfast.
I am still motivated and driven.
I am still fearless and excited for life.
I am still opinionated and loud.
I am still unapologetic for who I am.
I am still unwilling to take shit from people.
So, if for some reason, you are one of those people that has a negative opinion and is still in my life, and by some twist of fate, you were not weeded out organically with the rest of them, I ask you now to please fuck off.
I have no room for negativity.
I have no room for transparency.

If you are still in my life, first and foremost, I would like to say, thank you.
Thank you for standing by my side through this nightmare.
Thank you for remaining loyal.
Thank you for not exploiting my vulnerability.
Thank you for showing me the true meaning of unconditional love.
Thank you for letting me scream, yell, fight, cry and curse at you.
Thank you for reminding me that there was light at the end of the tunnel, even when I wasn’t so sure.
Thank you for looking past my ridiculous antics and remembering that deep inside that zombie, I was in there and I was still me.
Thank you for staying up all night with me.
Thank you for your cards, flowers, dinners, cookie and fruit bouquets, prayers, champagne and letters.
Thank you for restoring my faith that there are good people in this world.

To those I have “lost”: You are never welcome back into my life again.
The time we’ve spent together is neither something I regret, nor do I look back fondly upon.
You may have broken my heart, but not my spirit and my lust for life are still perfectly in tact.
You have left no permanent damage on me and I intend on becoming a best selling author as a direct result of your actions and the impact they had on me.
Thank you for showing your true colors now, rather than 5 years from now.
Thank you for treating me the way that you did.
Thank you for reminding me how strong I am.
I have forgiven you and I have forgotten you.
I used to lose sleep at night sometimes thinking about all the negative karma you must be getting, but then I remember it’s no longer my responsibility to protect you.
Good luck to you all.

I have the greatest friends and family I could have ever dreamed of. You guys make it possible for me to smile and move forward. You’re the fucking tits.

2014, I have high hopes for you. And I am determined to accomplish so much during your reign that we forget all about the one before you

Good vibes and good things, fuckers

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